Raw, Broken, Truth.

Be careful.
What you ask for, you are rarely prepared for it.

So, here’s the thing. 2018 was the worst year of my life. I had perfected the art of failure while simultaneously striving for perfection. Not exactly a great combo. I learned around June of 2018 that I was losing the battle and if I didn’t make some serious changes, my crippling fear of shame was going to win. So, I asked God to open my heart and my mind to his healing and to reveal to me everything I needed to change within myself to become the person I always wanted to be. The person He created me to become.

Holy Crap-ola was I not prepared for what came next.

Let’s back up a little. As a child I developed a strong sense of perfection. I thought I had to be perfect in everything I did, to act perfect, to basically be anything but just me. Everytime I failed to live up to my own high expectations of myself, I would spiral farther into self doubt and depression. Withdrawing into myself like a turtle into its shell. My shell was safety. If I stayed there, I couldn’t get hurt. Yet, trying to stay there resulted in February of 2018 my world falling apart and not in a good way. It was ugly and raw. Wounds that I thought I had dealt with years past, were opened. Fresh and deep. I was faced with the reality that I needed to grow the hell up or I would lose everything I had.

I began to drown myself in podcasts and audiobooks, slowly and painfully the journey to self awareness and healing started. I learned that Me, Myself and I were the ones to blame for all my self torture over the years. It wasn’t my childhood, it wasn’t my marriage, it wasn’t all the things I thought. It was ME. I was being selfish and standing in my own way. For years, I didn’t think I had what it took to be successful in life or business. I didn’t have ADHD like all the other mega successful people in the world that I knew. I didn’t have some genius brain that could do numbers at the drop of a hat. I was plain. Nothing special.

I was wrong.

After weeks of ugly crying, okay to be honest it was more like months. I finally broke free of the chains of feeling like I needed to be something I wasn’t. That freedom was refreshing. Trying to run a business while under the weight of self doubt and fear, I was quickly going nowhere. Technically speaking, I have been in business since 2010. You wouldn’t know that though because I have next to nothing to show for it. I worked exhaustingly hard to try and be seen when all I was really doing was imitating others. If I look like these other successful businesses I should be successful too right?.

Again, WRONG.

November of 2018. I decided since we were headed into the holiday season, I would stop trying to be like all these other businesses and just have fun. Experiment, be creative. Not focused on numbers, sales or growth, just be me. Raw, Broken, True. It’s the most fun I have ever had in my business. It was also the first time I had authentic engagement. All because I was finally embracing myself, and allowing myself to be ME.

You see the key to success isn’t how many followers you have or how many sales you’ve made. To me, success is when we find our authentic selves and stop trying to imitate. There’s already one of those “others” in the world. We need more of YOU. Just YOU. Your unique raw, broken and true talents. Why, because you have a perspective no one else has but you. That is what will make you more successful. Building on YOUR strengths, not someone else’s.

Stay AWESOME! And shine MORE of your light on the world. Own it and use it.